so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
