At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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