I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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