There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
