If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
