I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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