youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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