Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
