I can't watch pbs sober anymore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
