It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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