I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
