i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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