In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
