Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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