Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
