How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
