Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You have to summon your inner elephant
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
