fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she smelled like a LAN party
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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