Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
