Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
