Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
