It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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