Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize