At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize