I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
