She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
