Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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