You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he fucked my hip out of place.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize