I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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