I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
