I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
