Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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