I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
