I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
