Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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