She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize