Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
