My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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