In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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