i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
