i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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