Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm just crazy horny about you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
