I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
