Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
