Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
