quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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