Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
