How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
