just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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