No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
