due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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