Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
