guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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