i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize