Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
