when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
