I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
