Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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