I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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