All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
