talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
