But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
look no pants
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
