I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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