I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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