Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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