Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize